I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
