around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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