Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Randomize
