sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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