i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize