Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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