I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Actions speak louder than pants.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Randomize
