Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
