you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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