if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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