She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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