I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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