i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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