Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
