Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
