I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
