Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
