My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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