just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
soo... how was my night?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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