I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
