So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize