he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
