And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
