is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
