6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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