I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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