Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize