I skipped work to stalk him.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Randomize
