ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
