Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
