if i can run in heels then i can drive
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
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