Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
