did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
