2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
