There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Sober January is a disaster.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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