It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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