The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
She even gives head with a lisp.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
