I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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