Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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