Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Randomize
