I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
