So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
