He disabled his match.com account in front of me
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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