So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
