My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
