Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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