I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
