HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
