Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
