So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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