she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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