she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
