I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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