Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
