i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Did I show you my penis last night?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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