I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
