I'm gonna have a badass scar
True but thats because hes a fetus.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize