We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize
