PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
