i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
