Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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