Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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