Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
