and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
