im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Green mimosas i think yes
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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