Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
